My boyfriend, a nice guy, we get along pretty well most of the time. The relationship has a few problems as most do. There is a ten year age difference I鈥檓 28 and he is 18. I really don鈥檛 think that should be important. I am never been married nor have any children, he does not either. The way I usually tend to think of it is that despite the age difference we are sort in the same stage of life, just getting starting, though I obviously have more practical experience. He is a really intelligent guy, very interested in history and things like that. He has a problem that I just can鈥檛 quite pin down. I can鈥檛 tell if it鈥檚 a matter of his age or his upbringing. He was raised by his father鈥檚 parents. His mom was sixteen when he was born, his father was in his thirties and both were addicted to drugs. He has always known his parents but they were never his care takers. He was the youngest child that his grandparents raised; they were also raising two other grandchildren, their daughter鈥檚 children. Growing up it does not seem that he was allowed to make any decisions on his own; he was not asked he wanted to do but told what he was going to do. He was never taught any life skills such as cooking or washing clothes. He cannot eventie his own shoes. Also he does not drive. We have just moved into an apartment and I happened to call from work to make sure that everything was going ok; he said that the cat threw up and he did not know what to do about. I told him step by step how to clean up cat puke. What concerns me it that he seems to be completely lacking in self motivation and initiative. I remember being that age and there was a lot I did not know but little that I would not try. Whatever exists in people that causes them to see a problem and then use trial and error coupled with their own ingenuity to solve the problem seems to completely lacking from him. This worries and confounds me. I guess I really want to know the cause, was he raised with so little sense of control that he will not try to effect change over any situation or is he do lacking in self confidence that he does not think anything he can do will matter? Also he is not special or developmentally delayed in anyway, he just graduated from High School.|||You should get him a troll doll to keep him company.
Added 3/4/2010
After reading your additional details I need to add one thing:
%26quot;Can I substitute a salad for the fries in the #5?%26quot;|||You are 18 and have more practical experience than him? He needs to take a home economics class for starters.
He just graduated from high school at 28 or he only has a high school diploma?
I think you are exaggerating about the shoe tying, he had to have taken PE.
He has to be able to clean up otherwise what girl would date him? This has to be baloney.|||Just give him his space. He sounds like a real go getter.|||I like the first 2 answers. Thumbs up!|||He may also be part lazy. Plus, with your being older, if he, in any way, sees you as a mother figure, then he%26#039;ll behave like he did around the woman raising him. That is, she made all the decisions and told him what to do. He expects the same from you.|||Good grief, do you want a boyfriend or a son?
He can%26#039;t drive, doesn%26#039;t know how to clean up cat puke.
Age difference has little to do with it, there are some 30 year old men who are still babies because their moma did everything for them.
No self motivation, no intitiative. RED FLAGS, honey. If he%26#039;s willing to change, maybe some professional counseling would help.
Otherwise - you deserve better.|||a whole lot of people are going to insult you for this post. ok, he%26#039;s got some issues. you go into great detail to describe the things he does and doesn%26#039;t do. you want some honesty, here it is. the thing you can%26#039;t put your finger on about what is wrong with him, is precisely what you have been writing about. you are very attracted to men who need nurturing. there is something inside you that wants to take care of him. this is not normal behavior. you are mothering him. before you get concerned, you need to realize that as abnormal as both of you are, you both have found the complement of each other. look, its not normal in the eyes of this world. however, if both of you are happy, that should be ok. just remember that the day he no longer needs the nurturing that you provide, he will leave you because he no longer needs you. right now, both of you need each other.|||Thousands of schools graduate %26quot;delayed%26quot; students.
If his parents were into drugs, it may of did something to his own mind.
I have a son like this. He%26#039;s totally LOST if he doesn%26#039;t have a girlfriend to do everything for him. His father was the same way. His grandparents didn%26#039;t make their boys do anything. The grandma did it all.
On your days off make a list of things to teach him.|||You shouldn%26#039;t have to raise your own boyfriend. You might try getting someone who is a little more mature. If you want kids, what kind of father would he be? I know you love him but you need to move on.|||High schools pass %26quot;special%26quot; people all of the time. he is deffinitely special. he can;t even clean up cat puke??! there%26#039;s something wrong there. i guess you%26#039;re just going to have to play %26quot;mommy%26quot; for the rest of his life.|||%26quot;Also he is not special or developmentally delayed in anyway%26quot;....except you just outlined how he is developmentally delayed in many ways. If you are %26quot; in the same stage of life%26quot; with a developmentally delayed 18 year old, you should rethink this pairing unless you really want a son to raise.|||Your boyfriend doesn%26#039;t need a girlfriend, he needs a mother. If you are comfortable with that situation than that%26#039;s your choice. You will probably be his mother for the rest of your life. Good luck.|||It sounds to me like if your his mommy ,What are you doing with a kid sooo young what can you have in common don%26#039;t you want a man who will take care of you not the other way around .|||Whatever you do, do not let the government find him.|||You%26#039;re questioning why an 18 year old does not seem to show initiative or self motivation? He is 18. That is how most 18 year olds act. So basically you%26#039;re questioning why is an 18 year old being an 18 year old?
Just because you wer emore motivated at 18 does not mean he should be. It has nothing to do with the way he was raised.. If he has never had a cat.. why would he know how to clean up cat puke? Common Sense on your part might help!
