My mother-in-law is causing some very big problems at home. She doesn%26#039;t live with us, but she is over at our house to help care for our daughter 2 days a week. The issues have existed for a while, though. She is a very dramatic person. She has deep psychological issues and refuses to even acknowledge their existence. In the hospital when my daughter was born my MIL threw a tantrum in the room when my family came to visit. She felt like she wasn%26#039;t getting enough time with her only grandchild (my mother had two grandchildren at that point). My wife, one day after a cesarean delivery and while lying in the hospital bed, had to tell her mother to calm down. MIL made it about her. Such is her personality. Anyway, this has been our life for a while up until a March. My work situation changed and I was put on first shift. Since my wife works first as well, this meant we needed extra help taking care of Brenna (our daughter). We couldn%26#039;t afford full time daycare. Well, my mom offered to help a couple of days a week and so did MIL. He hesitated, but accepted. We knew that this would work for a while, but the other shoe would have to drop at some point as MIL got more involved in our lives.
I think today is the day the shoe fell. She came over this morning in tears. I asked what was wrong. She had seen a dead cat on the way over. Sad, yes, so I tried to be empathetic, but I simply knew this would be tragic for the rest of the day. You can%26#039;t be depressed and dramatic when caring for a 15 month old. Anyway, I left her and went to work. She gave me the usual forced farewell. I was so relieved to get out of the house. I called my wife and told her the situation, so she would be prepared when she got home. She gets home a couple of hours before me and I knew it would be bad. Turns out I underestimated the situation.
Couple of other tidbits that are important to the story. My MIL is a Republican. I%26#039;m not denigrating Republicans, but just trying to add to the story. She is more of an uber-conservative. VERY close-minded. VERY few friends, and those she has MUST think exactly like her. My wife is a Christian, liberal social worker. I am an atheist and tend to be very liberal. MIL doesn%26#039;t really know much about me. I don%26#039;t think I need to explain why! Anyway, since she no longer has a job she has a lot of time on her hands. She decided it would be fun to join Facebook, simply because my wife is on there. Well, she joined, connected with my wife, and now pretty much all the cats are out of the bag.
Back to today. My wife just called me a few minutes ago. At first she was angry. Her mother simply left when my wife was outside with our dogs. No goodbye. No report on our daughter%26#039;s day (how she ate/slept/etc). Nothing. She just left. She didn%26#039;t even speak to my wife when she walked in, whereas she would normally say %26quot;Mommy%26#039;s home%26quot; or something to get Brenna excited. Not today, though. So, again, my wife was pissed, understandably. She got off the phone with me and called her mom%26#039;s cell. No answer (did I mention she%26#039;s passive-aggressive). My wife calls their house. Her dad answers and my wife demands to know what her mom%26#039;s problem is. Her dad waffles and says that they had %26quot;talked%26quot; about %26quot;some things%26quot;.
So my wife calls me back to tell me about this and her anger stops and she starts sobbing. My wife has cried maybe twice in our four years of marriage. No joke. She is simply beside herself because her mother is now taking any political and social differences she just found out about and is expressing them when taking care of our daughter. This is not good. Not good at all. I%26#039;m a little pissed. We know what needs to be done, and it will be done, but I wanted to vent a little first. Thanks for anyone who takes the time to read this and for sharing your thoughts.|||My doggys name is Mr. Piddles!|||Good lord she sounds like a nightmare. I know what you mean about the whole not being open minded. I live in a place full of people just like your MIL. Has she considered moving to Colorado Springs? Oh and BTW I am liberal social worker too so ha!|||Bummer Dude! Well You won%26#039;t have to worry about that anymore. I imagine|||At a certain age, I think it%26#039;s time to just lay it all on the line, and know when to say %26quot;enough is enough.%26quot; I think that parents need to let their children live their own lives, instead of playing the victim and being, well, attention whores. Maybe it%26#039;s time you all said something along those lines, to the involved parties.|||You need to find a really cheap babysitter like someone going to college that needs part-time work for cheap|||Well, i have to say i%26#039;m glad it%26#039;s you and not me... you must have the patience of a saint.
Yep, this woman is passive-aggressive alright and seems to have some histrionic personality issues. Some people feel everyone has to be like them (thank god most aren%26#039;t like your MIL).
Tell your wife i%26#039;m really sorry... i see this has gone way beyond the point of frustration.
I don%26#039;t know what i%26#039;d do at this point -- but then, i wouldn%26#039;t have let it go this far... i tend to set limits and boundaries with others, even my mother.|||It sounds as if you need to think of another childcare solution! I wouldn%26#039;t trust my child with this woman!|||I can certainly understand your frustration. I have had similar experiences in the past, but nothing as volatile as this. Hang in there, and by all means find a baby sitter/ house keeper to help you out. Some good places to start are high school co-op classes that give credit to people for working while in school. these kids (usually 18 yo seniors) are eager, and mostly very responsible. I suggest you back the MIL up a bit, and allow one of these teens to help out around the house. You can even use the excuse %26quot;we are doing it as charity to help out the students%26quot;. I hope that helps some. Breath and release the frustration.. You%26#039;re driving your blood pressure up ;)|||Wow the MIL sound like a $*#*@ LOL, I say kill her lol jk|||Afford it or not, get a sitter. Your MIL is a toxic person, and you NOR your family needs that. She will NOT be good for you all. Get into some therapy. Inform your parents why.
Your wife and daughter will suffer because of this crazy woman.|||Your Mother-In-Law reminds me of my older sister, act the same way. You just have to keep people like that at a distance because they%26#039;ll always let you down even though they don%26#039;t always intend to. They just can%26#039;t control their emotions.
Like you said you know what you have to do so good luck with that.
-and thanks for giving me something to read for the last few minutes of work.|||So your wife managed to come out of a childhood with her mother a normal person??? More power to her!!
And good on you two for sticking with each other. Hubby and I have had to do that with his mum sometimes. She pulled a stunt about a year or so ago because she was mad with my husband (unfairly) where she rang up and tried to get me to pass on some mean message and then threatened me with a nasty action that I won%26#039;t go into just in case other people that it relates to ever see this - we never told them. All she achieved was the two of us standing together and refusing to be pushed around by her.
Your life should be more peaceful from now on.|||good grief, she sounds like she might have some psychological problems, or just a very extreme personality and because she%26#039;s been like this throughout her life it sounds doubtful that she%26#039;s going to change..
i hope for your sanity%26#039;s sake that you manage to find some other babysitters or better shifts for work! good luck!|||Maybe its time for you to tell your mother in law to get off her horse and tell you what%26#039;s her problem with you and come to an agreement where she just takes care of your daughter and just stays out of your business|||Yanno...I have a FIL that%26#039;s pretty much the same way...ok, he%26#039;s probably not as dramatic as your MIL but, still the same, he%26#039;s just not a stable person. I wish you luck as it seems that you already know the solution to your problem...it%26#039;s just getting to it and not feeling bad about it thats hard.|||Jeez, and you put up with her for this long?
Okay, I gotta say something, and this is coming from another conservative Republican... she sucks!
There, I said it! It is not her place to be bringing her personal life to her job and YES this is now her job. She may be family, she may have volunteered, but she still has taken on a responsibility to be a babysitting grandmother. NOT the mother. There is a distinct difference and as she isn%26#039;t willing to change, I think moving on is the right decision. Tell your wife we feel for her! It%26#039;s got to be hard with this being her own mother and all...|||Talk about Monster-in-Law
(((((Capt%26#039;n))))))))
Have a wonderful weekend!!
Cinn =)|||Zilla I%26#039;d be careful if I were you. Passive aggressive people can be very dangerous and destructive. Look out for your job, your relationship with your wife, and your facebook and kid. Those will be the way she will probably strike first. If she has as deep mental issues as you are describing she will do nothing to get you out of her life.
good luck to you and your family, I feel for you. I really do. (((zilla)))|||I feel your pain brother. Let me make a serious suggestion and lighten the mood at the same time: It is time to spring for the uber-hot yet uber-qualified, but remember also uber-hot twenty year old nanny.
Good luck.
