im nearly 32 , endured a lot of misfortunes in life so far , made regrettable mistakes with assaults and going to prison, been in a psychiatric hospital , these things all years ago , i squandered away years , obviously have a disadvantaged past .
in the present , i have lived on my own in a 1 bedroom apartment for 6 years own very few material items , the basics , a computer . i was diagnosed with various personalty disorders , i struggle with mood swings , aggression , paranoia and severe anxiety - ive made a lot of progress compared to the way i once was - cooperating with the mental health resources , hoping to get psychotherapy in the near future - im trying to get another assessment because i feel i have co existing anxiety disorders : GAD and PTSD.
because of the sheer chaos and unfortunate direction my life took, i missed out on all the normal life happenings :
being employed ever - getting qualifications , studying , building normal relationships with people - missed out on it all ~ i simply had to many adversities and problems and was the victim of situations out of my control....i never had the opportunities others did.......it wasn%26#039;t my fault at all, ive been fortunate to survive such a sh1t set of cards.
even though i have been strong, survived and honoured my self integrity and moral values ~ im sadly aware of the fact , im living in a bleak changing world.
the fact theres a new world order , i live in times with rumours of society%26#039;s collapsing , currencies collapsing ; the pound, the dollar etc ~ the fact i rely upon government for housing , money , water , electric , computer connection etc......the fact that anything could happen in these bleak times.
the simple fact that the government have the power to take it all away from me , especially in these bleak economic times.
also ; i have dreams i still would want to achieve inspite of everything, the way my life turned out , to ~ get computer qualifications , get a decent paying salary in computer work ~ building meaningful relationships ~ and finally to move to a quiet coastal village , buy my own house there , maybe in england or europe.
can anybody relate to the worries and insecurities i for-see ahead relating to the outside world ie - the government, economies etc ?
and the fact i worry how i will achieve my goals ?|||yes, i live with someone who has mental illness so i cant work through no fault of my own, WE ALL live in these bleak times so your not remotely alone there. I understand your despair, if you were around 40 you will have left school when thatcher destroyed the hope of millions of young school leavers who went straight to the dole queue. I have never had a decent job and the longer you go the longer you feel like a loser and i can imagine some employer reading my cv and laughing at the gaps of years. you probably left school in the aftermath of all this very serious unrest (poll tax riots/toxteth riots/brixton riots/miners strike)
My best job lasted 10 weeks and was 拢450 a week at a local glass factory, i felt sick at the wonderful life these full time men had, some had never seen a P45 let alone been on the dole, they had cars, extended holidays, can give their kids anything and still have cash in the bank, then leave with 拢75000 pension! I cant even get my son a pair of trainers. You see at least you only have to think of your self, the guilt of depriving your kids of normal things they should have is totally heartbreaking.
BUT you have to forget what the government has done, other people prosper during these hard times so must you.
you may rely on the government for housing , money , water , electric , computer connection etc but at least that cant be taken away, you cant get financially worse of (unless you had kids).
so things can only improve. i had same idea about qualifications in computers but then every other fress faced teen has them and so you look like a d1ck again when you go for the group interview with a people who look like bill gates! I even got a suit from the dole for the interview i passed evrything during the days tests and things but the people i was with looked like pc technicians, i felt like a long term unemployed person in a suit and maybe they could sense that.
you have to build your self belief, people who succeed dont complain about their environment tough start, they focus and get on with their ideas/goals. people have become rich from a worse start than we had.
I%26#039;m 8 years older and in your position still. my nephew is 24 and a bank manager who will probably end up at the very top, yet here i am still on the dole.
6 months ago i was stood on a bridge ready to jump. Life is sh1t but i swear to god it doesnt have to be if you can shed your enviromental issues then at least you can go ahead with your plans without baggage and something to blame. successful people see failure as a learning thing not as failure or something negative, i am trying to change these basic values in myself, its easy to blame thatcher or economics but it does not get you anywhere.
I am going to be a social worker, i hope and pray that i can give my kid a beter life and him not have a dad who is %26#039;on the dole%26#039;. dole+kids=guilt.
anyway do good things to cos it comes back to you in positive ways, like i%26#039;m writing all this for YOU and now i%26#039;m late for my hospital appointment just so i could give some time to this man who%26#039;s struggling to get on, who i dont know, but i have something in common with... take care, good luck.|||stop worrying. life is too short. and whats the point in getting all AHH WHAT IF when its out your hands anyway. get on with your dreams and stop writing about the the government and economie. GET ON WITH YOUR LIFEEE :D good luck!!!! Xxx|||You%26#039;re back!! I haven;t seen you around in awhile. How%26#039;s life?|||if you e mail me i will send you a life principle that will help you loads if
if you are willing to change the way you live a little
its all about voluntary work what you are actually doing in your life to serve others
spiritual healing
reiki
massage can all help with your health problems
as well as studying and applying good nutrition
pjb12345uk@yahoo.co.uk
