Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Please.,. it's urgent!! Do you find any language mistakes in the following statement of intent?

If there was something about myself that I could be proud of, this would certainly be my fixed interests. I wonder if there is somebody who has always known what he wants and has followed his goals in such a consecutive and inflexible way. “If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favourable,” Seneca said. In my life there are no any dramatic experiences or life-changing events; I just have always known my “port”. My goal is to change the world, to make it better. I know it sounds ridiculous and naïve, but if we all have the same goal and everyone orientates his efforts in a different direction, it seems possible. One of the problems that have to be solved in order to refine the world is the issue of human rights. It is astonishing how race, ethnicity, and social class can divide and range people. Unfortunately, the factor “gender” is still the most decisive for the person’s status in many countries in the world. In some places women are treated as sub-humans and this has always made me indignant. Women’s problems is exactly the field to which I would like to direct my future academic development, and I can’t miss the chance to take advantage of the rare program offered by the University of Calgary “Women’s studies”. Actually I didn’t know that such a program really existed. When I saw it on the undergraduate admission guide, however, I immediately realized that this is the most interesting and suitable program for me. In fact I feel that I am also suitable enough for this program and I can contribute very much to it.


My mother is a social worker. When I was a little child she took me with her and I spend a whole day on her job. I was very impressed by the way she helped the poor people, and their gratitude was specially fascinating. I could see the joy in their eyes, as if she was their redeemer. So, I decided that one day I would be like my mother, that I would help people and specially weak people. I don’t want to say that I chose to focus my attention on women because they are weak creatures. They are just more vulnerable to the imperfection of the world and they are constrained to support some wrong systems and stereotypes. In many Islamic countries, for example, women’s lives are considered something of less value than those of men. Women are unemployed or employed in jobs which are extremely dangerous. In some countries women are most likely to be sent to prison for crimes which men are normally pardoned or paroled. Women haven’t right to vote in all countries. Finally, which most surprises me, there are places where they save the men and children from a fire or accident first, before the women are rescued. These are all things that contrast with my sense of justice and I can’t accept them. Moreover, I feel that I can and I must change this situation. I feel a strong respect for all people and a sense of equality between them. I have never imagined that I could take advantage of these qualities in my future profession. Now, however, I can dedicate and invest them into this program. I have the possibility to learn more about the female physiology and help improve lives of women. I know that in this program participate mostly women. However, I feel challenging to show that men are also interested in the issues in which women are involved, to prove that women are not alone, but can feel support by men. In my future academic work I would like even to join a feminist movement, to promote new laws that protect women’s rights in every country. I feel that this is my vocation, this program is the way to the realization of my intent, and I will do everything possible to get in. Once in the program, I will use my innovative ideas and initiative energy in order to succeed and contribute to the program of “Women’s studies”.|||I corrected this whole statement, but it won%26#039;t let me post it. Is there some way I could get my corrected version to you?